Visionary Philosopher. ♥

Yawns.

Downloading mapleStory. Fucked up error. Thanks to the auto clicker.
Cause me so many problems. SMS-ed the fucker Xaft to come msn to help me settle it.
Found another helpful friend. Glad to know him even thou his a little fucked up at times =x

Bored, watching YouTube, chatting with my princess, watching TV. Multi-tasking.
lmao, fierce? o.O
Zzzzz still waiting for installer to be done. Kill some time with this blog.

O.O oh my gosh, friend just told me tomorrow's morning lesson is gonna be a talk about
our 1 year course. sigh, not gonna attend. I hate theory, they put me to sleep very easily.
So, just another day. Gonna burn some night candles. Watch YouTube, play dota? perheps.

-brb- finally installer done xD

back ! :D thanks for waiting! much apperciated.
didn't thought of posting any thing today till this evening when my hot grandmama chat with me.
She asked me something that made me abit fucked up for a moment.
' ni de nu peng you wei shen me mei you lai le? '
Replied : mei you le la, ta ai shang bie de nan ren le.
Grandma : haas. tsk tsk. bo wei kong.
Replied : mai kong lor.

Heard my oldest cousin Jeremy(mother's side) went into mental hospital. =( sad.
He was the smartest amount all of my cousins. Well, my mother side of course.
Heard he saw 'something' in the toilet, it was horrible.
He went insane & starting to bang his head against the wall. Bleed alot.
Felt sad for him, cried when I heard about this incident.
Admitted into mental hospital for a week or so. He wasn't himself.
Mumbling to himself & staring into blank air time & again.
My 2nd closest cousin. My heartaches for him. I don't like it when stuffs like this happened.
Pray for him. Hope for the best.
Get well soon Jeremy!

HAHA. I look fucking ridiculous in this picture xD

Myself, Joey, Jeremy! Cousins <3

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

12:47 AM

Photo editted by Stephanie. Simple & sophisciated.

Yawn, tuesday.

Woke up late for school. Wanted to go for 2nd lesson, but it was pouring outside.
So yeah, went back to dreamland to enjoy life inside.

Dreamland. aww, a wonderful place to be in. No worries, no touble, no problems.
Just me & her. Nonetheless, it won't last for long.
Left dreamland at 4pm. Goodness. How am I gonna sleep now.
Its only 2.14am. Just finish clocking with guildmember.

Oh my gosh, I miss playing hermit. Don't know if I should share account
with my guildmate. Dark Knight is fun too, once you hit 4th job.
Thinking.. totally no clue which to play.

Thou maple is getting outdated, login just to kill time. Some say its a childish game.
But somehow, the ' childish ' game is where I found some new friends.
Those who stood by me when I was down. Some are just fucked up. But who cares.
Till then, I guess I'll just stick to maple for now.

Next week is chinese new year. Woot, ang bao, money come money come.
Will use it all up before feb. Got money = SPEND ! shopping.
Being quite awhile since I last went shopping. Lifeless at home.
I'm totally broke this week. Gonna dig out some money to go out soon.
3days to saturday. Wonder what would this saturday outing be. & with who.

I'm bored, restless. I need someone to kill time with me.
Not used being alone at this lonely hours. Not complaining, just my thoughts.
I would rather suffer alone then get back with her & suffer more.
She looks exactly like the girl who was once with me, but I don't know who is she.
Personality of hers has change alot.

Overwhelmed by those remakes friends have given me, I decided to put it into a memento.
No point going back to someone who has change to a person that I don't wish to be with.
I'll just wait for the right girl to come into my life.
Critical moments at this point of age. Seeking for love, yet not ready for the suffering.
It takes 2 hand to clap.

Love her,
Doesn't love me, it just don't make a sound.

I'm surrounded by morons & childish kids.
Its high time I join back my old group. Mature & understanding.
Less confusion & hearing stuffs like ' bored, what to do now '
Thou with mature groups. Outing is boring, but I like it.
Don't do much walking, just talking & drinking.
Peaceful.

She puts the bait. Bite or not to bite. Will the hurtful feeling be back?
Or is she just playing ? Is being in a relationship a challenge or is it suppose to be beautiful?
Question.

- my dear,

Naggy is good. One day when you're fully awake from your nightmare, you're thank me. ;x
Just look for a way to forget him will ya. You're only torturing yourself.
His happy, while you're upsad & disappointed.
Life isn't suppose to be this way. Its for you to experience & learn. Not stick to that piority.
You're practically wasting your pericous youth.
Cheer up. Look forward, I'm sure you're find a better boyfriend in future who will
cherish you more then you cherishing him.
Thats the kind of advice I can only give you. The rest is up to you.
& advice is what you ask for, knowing the answer is the same as yours, you just hope it wasn't true.
but, the truth hurts. Accept it, face it, remove it from your life.
You still got friends around you, it hurts them more then it does to you looking at the current stat you are facing.

...

Off to shower, its time to dream about the future & whom I should choose to be with! :P
Thou theres no chance. I'll just enjoy it while I still can.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

2:20 AM

3am. Oh my.

School starts in 5hours. & I'm still awake. Still finding ways to change my lifestyle back to
schooling days. Hard thou, but I'm trying. (;

Well, just had supper. No food was found at home. Was having macdonalds with my sister, mom & dad.
& this are the times where I spend some quality times with them. It so happened that they talk about being in a relationship. They question my sister & myself & its really amazing whereby
knowing your dad & mom are the greatest experience in you life & yet, while finding
the answers to your questions, you search high & low when the answers
are all within your family.

Dad : Being in a relationship at your age is a period whereby oneself becomes mature.
Not that its a bad thing to have you heartbroken when a girl dumps you.
Learn from the heartbreak. Its the greatest lesson in your life. Experience it.
Long term relationship at your age is hard to find, grab it tight if you got the chance.
Otherwise, just get to know more girl-friends. Stick to groups then sticking to couple.
Its boring, & you should learn to have fun. If your girlfriend can accept the fact
that you perfer outing with friends. Going along with your plans shows that she is
concern about your relationship with you friends & you will love her more then before.

Heres where my mom gives me a tough questioning >.<

Mom : Usually, girls at your age are just looking for love & trying to feel how is it like to be
loved by guys they like. But often, they neglect the understanding & maturity with the
guys they wanna be with. Finding true love at your age is one in a million.
Don't get too serious UNLESS you think both guy & girl have faith in their own relationship
with each other. If not, just leave it. Don't risk it.

Words spoken by my mom is double the touble then my dad, well, for me.
Knowing my sister is a carefree tomboy, she aint gonna fall for guys that easily.
Often, we listen to what others say but learning it from our mistake is a greater
lesson then what is told.

True, & when lessons are learnt from the mistakes done, we find it diffcult to let go.
But we need to learn how to release the hatred & disppointment within ourself.
Otherwise, theres no way we are gonna find happiness in future.
Its time to move on.

Your hands are examples of what you are.
Close your hands. You can't accept new things.
Open your hands. You can always replace it with something better & letting it appericate you better.

This is for you my dear. (; let it go.

Damaging your skin & flesh over a worthless person is stupid. It aint gonna bring him back.
That person is gone, & his never gonna come back. Why risk leaving a scar on yourself over a
heartless person?
Show them you can live better without them & much more happier with them out of you life.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

2:52 AM

2.42am.

Just needed to type it all out once & for all. It just suddenly happened to strike me in the head.
Having the longest shower of my life, I was practically half asleep in the bathroom.

1hour standing at the very same spot. I felt a little thinking, not 100% but at least a little bit.
I'm getting too frustrated with all this emotionally problems I'm going throught currently.
Its making me very fedup.

I can't get my thinking straight. My life, my future. Thou I'm only 18, but its closing near
the ' Welcome to the Working World '
With all this emotionally problems, I can't concentrate much in class, my future is
just pouring all over the drain. The pressure is rising while the relaxation is decreasing.
Turn back the clock & I wish I was just taking my PSLE 6years back.

I don't know why am I feeling so emotionally unstable after all this fucked up
relationship problems. I didn't knew it would be such a big blow towards my life.
Weeks have passed, we both went our sperate ways.

I can't forget her totally, its hard, because it was my 1st? The things
she do are totally fucked up. Childish & naive little playgirl who toyed my feeling
like a basketball.

Words spoken by her are way to sarcastic & not to forget hurtful. Couldn't imagine
girls could have this kind fucked up mouth with pathetic words coming out of it.
Jealousy when was told by friends about she & her ' oh, we're just maple, I won't bring it to reality ' ?
Afraid not, I'm okay with that little playgirl's life, I just can't stand the fact that someone
actually treated me like a bloody clown, & took my trust for granted.
That was what really pissed me off. If she wanna go. Go.
She aint the only girl in this world. Just don't talk when you know your little fucking heart can't do it.

' I told myself I will love you whole-heartedly if we ever get back together '

Put it so nicely. After which, its back to square one. Arrogant little playgirl.
I seriously hate you. I don't hate you for leaving, I hate you for lying.
You can fuck off from my life totally. I don't mind. Take your lies with you too.
Stop ruining my fucking life for goodness sake. I don't wanna ruin my future over a flirt.

1st experiment.
2nd precaution.

I lost all hopes in finding what I always wanna be in.
Long term relationship isn't a easy thing to be found just like that.
Losing my confidence. I need someone to boost my morale up.
Lets hope that someone will be the one I can fully trust.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

2:50 AM

Sunday! Midnight (;
Song - listen & find out.

..........

cai li kai mei duo jiu jiu kai shi
dan xin jin tian de ni guo de hao bu hao
zheng ge hua mian shi ni
xiang ni xiang dao shui bu zhao
zui du du na ke ai de mu yang
hai you zai ni shen shang xiang xiang de wei dao
wo de kuai le shi ni
xiang ni xiang de dou hui xiao

mei you ni zai wo you duo nan ao
(mei you ni zai wo you duo nan ao duo fan nao)
mei you ni fan wo you duo fan nao
(mei you ni fan wo you duo fan nao duo nan ao)
chuan guo yun ceng
wo shi zhe nu li xiang ni ben pao
ai cai song dao
ni que yi zai bie ren huai bao

jiu shi kai bu liao kou rang ta zhi dao
wo yi ding hui he hu zhe ni ye dou ni xiao
ni dui wo you duo zhong yao
wo hou hui mei rang ni zhi dao
an jing de ting ni sa jiao kan ni shui zhao yi zhi dao lao
jiu shi kai bu liao kou rang ta zhi dao
jiu shi na me jian dan ji ju wo ban bu dao
zheng ke xin xuan zai ban kong
wo zhi neng gou yuan yuan kan zhe
zhe xie wo dou zuo de dao
dan nei ge ren yi jing bu shi wo

..........

After 5hours of sleep. Woke up at 2pm.
Went online maple to do nothing but screen into blank air.
Rotted like shit in game till about 6.45pm.

Watch X-Men till 9.30pm.

Rest for 30mins before I went for a short jog.
Sunday is really a boring day. Oh my fucking gosh.
I need to enlighten my days during sundays.
Before I go crazy.

Looking forward to chinese new year.
Skipping valentine's day
Approaching birthday. (;

Yawn. Fucked up life I got here. Getting more & more boring each year.
& I thought life was gonna be interesting as we grew older.

Thats all for now. Shower -> sleep.
Toodies. (;

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

12:06 AM

Sunday morning! 5.26am. (;

Just reach home. A quick blog before I'm off for my shower & dreamland.

Nothing much really happened today as usual. But just went out quite alot.
4pm! Met randy & keat at pcbunk. Heard there was gonna be a fight,
so they wanna be a kpo & watch what was going on.
But after waiting for 1hour or so, nothing happened.
Just some kids 'spar-ing' on top of pcbunk. Trying to impress some of their girl-friends.
People like them. Only need 1 work to describe them.

Childish.

5pm! Went to PS to have lunch. Oh my, what a time to have lunch. Went back to PCBunk,
waited for jas to arrive. While waiting, went to a round of clock.
Talked to babytianshi & jeremy in game.

9pm! Jas arrived, finally? Took a slow walk to bugis, had a round of billard game
with keat while jas, randy & xiong went to have their dinner.
The table totally was a turn up. So we went off after 1 game. Argh. x(
Checked my wallet & show the amount of money left inside. $0
POSB was around the corner. So yeah, xD went to withdraw 30 bucks.

Hungry ~_~
Went to Macdonalds, had dinner & chatted till like 12midnight. Goodness.
Was too damn bored in mac, decided to went IRC to play maple. =x
Chatted alot while we're on the way there. Finally, we reached IRC!

BUT

The lanshop was close. tmd chaocheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebai !!
Too fucking lazy to walk back to bugis, squeeze in the taxi with 5pple.
Thank god the taxi driver was kind enough to give us that short ride back to bugis.
Settled down at the lanshop.

This is where the fun started. xD
violentChaN
JumpAndShoot
xBlueblack
OoMrBoOoO & myself.

All started scrolling items. hahaha.
Eariler on while we were at mac. Xaft called me & told me my helm has being replaced with a clean helm.
So I went to scroll it. Theres where the trilling starts. violentChaN & JumpAndShoot themself
too, started scrolling
Bad results yet had some good ones thou.

Myself ! ( Special thanks to the support by my dear ;x )

- Earn -
18str top.
23dex 37acc helm.

- Lost -
9m. overall, earn back alittle ;x

JumpAndShoot !

- Earn -
3str 12dex 1slot bottom.

- Lost -
3str 12dex 1 slot bottom. ;x
good luck for the bottom. pass & you earn back everything.
break & you can kindly ask your mom for more money to buy mesos.

violentChaN !

- Earn -
20str top! Grats!

- Lost -
Zakum helm -_-'

xBlueblack !

- Earn -
1 fail & 1 pass on Zakum helm.

- Lost -
30% Earring dex. ass clown.

OoMrBoOoO !

- Earn -
Nothing. Sad for you bro.

- Lost -
21dex 2slot zakum helm =(
good luck re-helming.

Today was a very fun day even thou it was just 5 of us. xD
Enjoy it alot. Lets do it again next week!

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

5:34 AM

I'm drunk (;

can't wait to meet her in my dreams.
toodies.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

4:50 AM

Just a quick blog before I forget. Won't be thinking straight after drinking.
So here it goes!

Firstly, listen to the song ;x
His piano rocks to the code.

Ni Ting De Dao-

.........

you shui neng bi wo zhi dao
ni de wen rou xiang yu mao
mi mi tang zai wo huai bao
zhi you ni neng ting de dao
hai you mei you ren zhi dao
ni de wei xiao xiang yong bao
duo xiang cang zhe ni de hao
zhi you wo kan de dao

zhan zai wu ding zhi dui feng shou
bu xiang bei zuo you
ben lai tao yan xia yu de tian kong
zhi dao ting jian you ren shuo ai wo
zuo zai dian ying yuan de er lou
kan ren qun zou guo
zen me na yi tian de wo men
dou mo mo de wei xiao hen jiu

wo xiang wo shi tai guo yi lai
zai gua dian hua de gang cai
jian chi xue dan chun de xiao hai
jing jing kan shou zhe fen ai
zhi dao bu neng tai yi lai
pa ni hui ba wo chong huai
ni de xiang wei yi zhi pai huai
wo she bu de li kai

wo xiang wo shi tai guo yi lai
zai gua dian hua de gang cai
jian chi xue dan chun de xiao hai
wo she bu de li kai.

-Back to 1st paragraph (; -

..........

Toooooo lazy to type the chorus, if you know this song, you should sing along =D
Listen to the lyrics & sing to the beat.

WELLLLLL!!! FIRSTLY!!! I woke up late for school today. (;
So didn't attend class, went to sleep.
Had the most amazing dream. Been waiting so long for this day to come.
It may be just a dream, but who knows, someday, it may be reality.
But till then. I'm still waiting for the right girl to walk with me throught this rocky path.

Like I said, its my dream, so I won't elaborate further ;O
My personal space, time, romance. Lasted till 12.30noon when my fucking teacher
called my handphone to interupt my dream! OMG!

Something amazing was gonna happened!!! Idiotic.
'Hi melvin, Mr Ng here, why didn't you turn up for school'
Wanted to scold him, but... can't bear to. ;x
Don't wanna get suspended from school again. Its damn bored being at home.
Its fridayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Finally~ drink till I'm drunk! But not too drunk thou =x

Saturday isn't a good day to be home. So I hope, my friends don't push me x)
Sigh, nothing much to blog anyway, just another random post. I'm off! Toodies

P.S silent readers please tag ;D
Sincerely. please do.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

1:24 AM

Just some random blogging. (;
Enjoy the song.

..........

We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
&, baby, it's killing me, it's killing you
Both of us tryin' to be strong
I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
And someone else who loves me
And trusts in me fast asleep
I've made up my mind
There's no turning back
She's been good to me
& she deserves better then that.

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye & tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied & my heart's not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you.

I know that that we'll meet again
Fate has a place & time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind
Like Dr. Zhivago
All my I'll be sending
And you will never know
'Cause there can be no happy ending

Maybe another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can't stay
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
& she deserves better then that.

..........

Just a song without any meaning. (;
Was bored mapling. Nothing much is left inside, with no motivation. The game is as good as dead.
When the time is right, maybe maple will be back into my life.
But till then, logining was just to find some friends to chat with.

Aww, thursday, woke up late for school. Went for the 1st lesson before I went home.
Was chatting with stephanie till my dear( xxNe369ZhAxx ) called & told me he was
nearby. Shocked.

But, his an ass! Thought he came to visit me. But he told me he got lost, & wanted to
use my toilet. -_-' Fucker.
Say till so nice ' 1st person to find is you when I got my bike '
Well anyway, he & zhu came for awhile before they headed to town.

6.30pm, rotted at home till 8pm. Did nothing, felt like an old man that retired from
work & just camping at home infront of the TV.

8pm! Went back online to chat with some friends. Usual stuffs. Nothing special happened today.
Can't wait till tomorrow! Friday, drinking day. Followed by saturday. Outing!
I can't wait.. Rotting at home is beyond godlike. Its bored to the max especially when you'll nothing to do.

Well, thats all for now. Back to MSN. Toodies. (;

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

2:16 AM

Listen to this song properly Stephanie. Its for you to wake up! (;

There was a girl I knew
who always wanted to
be the one to stand out from the crowd
Always believe that she
was gonna live her dreams..
Tha what when down was gonna come around
for all the doubters non believers.
the cynical that once were dreamers..
One of this days you'll open up your eyes
and you'll realize.

-Chorus-
That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabe..
but she'll have changed her destiny..
now she's a somebody.
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself.
Cuz she believes in nothing else
and you'll look back and you won't believe
that was me.

Armed with an attitude
that she knows how to use.
She's gonna get there any way she can.
Now she knows what she wants.
No one is gonna stop her
nothings ever gonna hold her down.
For all the doubters non believers.
the cynical that once were dreamers..
One of there days you'll know that what you were Wrong..

-Chorus-

That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabe..
but she'll have changed her destiny..
now she's a somebody.
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself.
Cuz she believes in nothing else
and you'll look back and you won't believe
that girl was me.

Life is a work of art
you gotta paint it colourful,
Can make it anything you want
don't have to stick to any rules
You don't need a high IQ
to succeed in what you dom
You gotta have no doubt
just believe in yourself.

Doubters, non-believers..
once were dreamers
One of there days you'll open your eyes and you'll realize

-Chorus- ( x2 )

That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabe..
but she'll have to change her destiny..
now she's a somebody.
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself.
Cuz she believes in nothing else
and you'll look back and you won't believe
that girl was me.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

5:06 PM

Special thanks to a friend Stephanie for the skin. (;
Though its simple, but I'll take it as a fresh start.
You too better wake up & start afresh. Emotional people can never have happy endings.

New skin, new live, new attitude.

Its time to move on. No doubt the feeling isn't totally fadded.
Day by day as she's happy with him, I'm pleased.
Aint gonna be a fool again. Thought the pain is still within me, its healing slowly.
Time will heal. True, but scar doesn't heal.

Just a memento left at a corner of the shattered heart.
Day pass, pieces of it are slowly recollecting itself, & a start of putting those
memories way behind.

Thanks for the memories Diana. (; I learn alot from the things you do & gave.
It was great being loved by you once.
But like you said, once its over, its over. Living with it. Good luck to you & your dar.
You have my blessings. Achieve in every aspect of your existance while you still can.

Love. 1 word, unlimited explaination, great feelings, huge experience.
Only when you learn to mend the mistakes. Then you're be better in future.
Cherish anyone who are close to you.

.....

School. -_-''

Usual stuffs, hair check for me. Sat outside office for awhile before the dm could release me.
5pm! Rush down to the nearest 7-11 to buy 10k cash.
The wig that I waited for is finally out. Oh my gosh. T____T"
Tears of joy. I'm finally wearing it. I'm so lovin' my character.

Well, nothing exciting happened today. Watched TV, went online, blah blah.
Boring life, monday-thursdays, what else can I do.

10pm! Went down for a jog, accidently twisted my arm. Can't even put my 2 arms stand.
The ache is killing me. Got home at 11pm.
Blogskin was done, so did some edit. -_-'
Got scolded for being a noob blogger by my designer.

Cool har? Copyrighted. (;
1st to buy. 1st to wear. Anyone else seeing maplers wearing it means they copied me.
& its a crime. Be original, say no to piracy! Report them to GM!

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

1:11 AM

This song is dedicated to the girl whom I love alot. Blog was created for her,
therefore, this will be the last post.

Enjoy the song. (;

4days passed since I felt being loved. Once bitten, twice shy.
I know there won't be a 2nd chance. Fews days back, my thinking wasn't straight
& I thought I still had the chance.

Sad to say, but finally, today is the day where she made it very clear to me.

Perivously, I felt I had the chance to be with her once again.
Her passwords, her messages, her replieds. Felt that she still had feelings for me till
today.
Thou I hate to say goodbye, but like what she said, I'm selfish by
holding on to the rob that leads to her when she no longer wanna be with me.

I'm sorry I couldn't figure it out clearly, your hints, words, pictures are already examples
of what you had planned for. I just need time to forget you. Its a one sided love.
& I can't help seeing you with other guys. It hurts me alot.

'If' often when people used the word 'If' its already too late.
I only blame myself for not cherishing what's gone now.
Like my girlfriend Diana.
Its too late for anything now. Thou I know I should wait for her,
Its better if I leave her alone.
I hate myself for controlling her in the past.
Instead of loving her, I doubt her alot.
Its kills me to see the way we are treating each other.
I don't deserve her heart after what I've done to her. & I know theres no way,
she's gonna give me a chance too.

I took the 1st chance given from her for granted & this is the price I have to pay.
Looking at the girl I love the most, drafting away...
Haas, stupid me, thought by writing a letter of apology with a blue water could make
her forgive me. I'm so insincere. Damn me.

Thought we could be back together on that day but it all turn out not as I expected,
seeing her mega-ed '<3

I didn't wanna believe it was true till I saw her with him yesterday,

Saturday afternoon at the foodcourt.

I have no right to tell her to come back to me, but my heartaches alot

everytime I see her not with me in game.

Loving someone you truly love is hard,

Letting them go is harder, but if thats what she wants.

I'll just have to respect her decision.

thank you Girlfriend, for all the wonderful memories. Althought it was only

1month and a half. It was the best moments I had in 2007.

I didn't wanna believe the 2nd break up was for real.

But I could felt that your feelings for me have totally fadded to the extreme.

& maybe thats why you no longer give me the attention you once let me felt

when we were back then together.

I miss those times when we called each other bf & gf.

Thou you replied to my messages time & again, but I could felt the change in you.

you were irritated by messaging someone who hurted you alot.

loving someone that finds you irritating,

loving someone that didn't really pay attention to what you're messaging,

loving someone so much that you wanted her to at least show a little care & concern.

4days of crying is a well payed lesson for me.

pain & regret I'm going through.

I'm not a good boyfriend,

when I told you days ago that I wanted you back, your respond was very clear.

Much more clearer then the 1st patch up.

So sorry for the argument, childishness & shit attitude I gave you before.

Thou it hurts to see you getting into a new relationship. I would rather not let you

suffer no more. But by letting you get a better boyfriend.

You have my blessings. I sincerely wish you all the best with you maple dar.

I won't interfere with you no more. I'll get out of your life.

I'm happy when I see you smiling. (;

12th January 6.58pm. Was our 2nd month & the last time I see your smile.

I love you so much Diana. Hope you're find your 'True Love' as listed in your blog.

I guess I'm mentally prepared to watch her say she love me no more.

Guess I'll miss you my friend... When the time is right.. when the time is right...

To my maple buddies :-

xxNe369ZhAxx (dear)

x3ruDit3x5iN (jeremy)

Xaeus04 (bro)

baBytiaNsHi (zhu)

HSpearManH (toh)

xBlueblack (randy)

JumpAndShoot (jas/alex)

violentChaN (leslie)

Rourou (yin)

XiaoZiZu (keat)

PlaysPretty (az)

MisssyLin (linnie)

leEnleEnNn

Zell860 (sub)

BiLLaB0n6 (sean)

xiaosia07 (marilyn)

bAbyOliAng (4in1)

Thank you guys for your support all this while. Appericate it alot. Toodies.
Gone. melvin (;

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

9:56 PM

Don't know if today was suppose to be a happy day or the other way....

Just like any usual saturdays. Went to PCBunk to meet up with friends before having
dinner & following up with a movie. Saw her at plaze singapura with her 'dar' & 'laogong'
Though I won't feel a thing. But seeing 2 of them sitted with her. Jealousy came over me,
so I ate what was left & left that place quickly. Didn't wanna spoil my friends' mood.

Went back to bunk to meet jeff, zha, babytianshi & kelvin. (;
5.30pm! Just about time everyone show up. Went to cathay to buy movie tickets.
Thought by talking to them will make me not think about her, but I just can't get
her off my mind. Kelvin & Jeff went off.

7.30pm, 30mins before show starts. Sat outside cathay near the steps with
zha, babytianshi, randy, jas & xiong. Was feeling rather down. Glad zha was there to
talk to me. Just couldn't stand the fact that she was with her 'dar' & 'laogong'.
Yeah I know, no point getting jealous. She told me what she wanted to. But I just
can't get it off my mind. I love her so much.

8.00pm (; went up, get sitted & waited for the movie to start.
FUCKED up seriously. FUCKED UP MOVIE. Wasted my $9.50.
Whole movie was shown throught a video camera, if you know what I mean.
WHOLE BLOODY MOVIE WAS THROUGH A FUCKING DAMN VIDEO CAMERA!
imagine watching a 1hour30mins show while the screen keeps shaking as the
actor was running & filming. Nearly vomitted.

Cloverfield. BAD SHOW, FUCKED UP ENDING. WORST MOVIE I EVER WATCHED.

What a day, went to whampoa for a so called dinner. -_-
Had roti prata. Couldn't play billard at balestier point. =( no membership, oh well,
took a bus back to town, bugis. Played afew rounds with zha, then couldn't find the
mood to continue, sms her. But she was sleepy, so didn't wanna disturb her further.

2.30am, sigh, wanted to drink. But my bro was going to MoS, so, we call it a day. Took
a cab home with randy.

Even if she doesn't read this, I just gonna say what I felt.
I just miss her lot. Don't know why, today was
the day I miss her the most even thou I saw her eariler during the afternoon.
Friends told me to give up, because she no longer love me. But.. I always follow what my hearts tells me to.

True to your heart, your heart can tell you no lies.
My feelings for her had grew stronger. Yet again, weaker when I see her with other guys.
But when I saw her smiling & laughing happily during the conversation she had with her
guy friends in the food court, I felt happy for her.

Miss her alot, I seriously do. I'm always ready for her to come back. My arms are opened,
Just waiting for the time to close it once she's within my arms.
I love her, so so much. I can't accept reality. I can tell she no longer love me. The way she messaged me.

Just no longer feel the same..... (;

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

3:06 AM

Bored, sad & shattered. Enjoy the song. (;

.......

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

-Chorus- (;
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

Its getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

-Chorus- (;

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here... been waiting here...

-Chorus- (;

.....

I hate myself so much, why do I always take her for granted!
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me for this past few days. Despite all the stuffs
I said to her, she forgave me, but this time, I know she won't.

I just hate myself for being so petty & sensitive. I told myself never to be in a relationship
till I found someone I love. So there she was, always there for me. I know I've been hard on her.
Doubting her feelings towards me, this time I know I went to far.

When I had that dream about her, I knew something wrong was gonna happen. Today is the
day. I regret not cherishing her. I know she's a easy & a happy go lucky girl that makes
friend quickly, maybe thats what I'm petty about, when I see her with other guys.

' we aint suppose to be together ' this sentence said by her.
Its either I was too childish & sensitive that I get so pissed of with her till she can't take it.
Or... she doesn't love me no more. I hope its not the reason that she's not loving me anymore.

Wrote her a little letter of apology with a blue flower to tag along. I'm sorry I'm insincere.
I couldn't think of anything else to make you feel better.

When she didn't wear the ring, I was very dishearted. But I know she won't put it on
no matter what I do. All I hope for now.. is for her to come back to me.

Its time to really cherish things around me if I still can.
I'll love her wholeheartedly. This I promise. No more taking her for granted.

2 days pass, & I miss her alot. Wanted to see her today. But I blew it up by arguing with her
yesterday. Grats myself for being a fool. (;

The things she said.

Girl : Do you like me?
Boy : No.

Girl : Do you wanna be with me?
Boy : No.

Girl : Will you be there when I'm down?
Boy : No.

Girl : Will you think about me once a day?
Boy : No.

Girl : Can I call you whenever I'm lonely?
Boy : No.

Girl : Can you just hold on to me & not leave me alone?
Boy : No.

Girl : Will you get into a new relationship when I'm dead?
Boy : No.

Replied...

I don't like you because I love you.
I don't wanna be with you cause I'm already always there behind you.
I won't be there when u're feeling down because I'm already hugging you to make feel better.
I can't think of you once a day because you're all that I can think about.
You don't need to call me because I'm just right beside you.
I can't hold you because you're already my life, my love, my everything.
I won't get into a relationship because I'll be in the same coffin as you.

....

I will never find another lover.... sweeter then you.... sweeter then you.
I'm waiting for her to come online, so I can spend time with her.
But she's with her ex-dar's friend training. Can't argue. Don't wanna argue.
Just have to wait. Sometimes I wish I could be like my dad/uncle. But its hard.
I'll try.. I'll try...

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

7:50 PM

Second post in 1 day. >.<
What is wrong with me recently, school works? friends? girlfriend?
I don't know, I'm confused. Am I suffering from depression?
I shout her name while I sleep. I see her image everywhere when I'm
awake.

I don't know what is going on with me. I'm feeling like how I felt 2months ago.
She was all I could think of for the past few days. Thanks to schoolworks,
I'm so screwed up in my brain.

Today is definitely not my bad. I didn't know why I was so uptight with
her.
Over what she said to me. ' got people take care of me xD '
1st thinking that went through my mind was. She is trying to tell me..

'You can fuck off anytime, I got alot of guys at bunk waiting to be with me'
I didn't know why I had this thinking but I felt so lost, worried I may lose her again.
I don't know how to express to her about the things she do.
Was I wrong to tell her that I caught up with my bad habit?
Or should I just continue to lie to her?
Is she doing this to me to get back at me for those lie I being telling her for this while?
I know no matter how much apology I said to her, she won't forgive me.
I'm just very afraid to lose her.

School started & my feelings for her grew very strongly.
I miss her. So much, thought I was gonna see her today.
She plan to meet me today for dinner. But when she said she was busy.
It shattered my heart.

'Lets meet tomorrow' thou I wanna see her so badly,
but I just don't understand why must she lie to me about saying she was gonna meet me & then posphone it.

Yeah, I know, I lied to her, so she has every right to avoid me & to not love me anymore.
Heard she was gonna meet her maple dar's friends this friday & meeting some other people on saturday.
Guess I won't be seeing her this week.
'Only >> can cut queue' This was said in maple. Is it true?
Seeing her without the ring made for her make me ache alot.

Am I too petty till the extend whereby each time I view her friendster/blog/msn.
I get so uptight with what she done.

Friendster's picture with another guy she love. Blog with those words that are so hurtful.
'True love' not being found. Adore her wifes, dar(s), dear, honey & the list goes on.
Msn nick that doesn't have anything to do with me.
I'm so caught up. I wanna quit school.

Just wanna spend time with her.
I miss talking to her on phone,
I miss her voice,
I miss the way she used to talk to me,
I miss the sense of security she gave me,
I miss her smile,
I miss her so much.

To make someone love so, is to be given the freedom to whoever he/she wishes to have.
Therefore, when they return to you, they're forever be with you.
I don't know.. I don't know, wo bu zhi dao, wo zhen de bu zhi dao .
I can't risk letting her go, I'm afraid she would get closer to another guy & .....
I can't, I just can't say it. While reading this, tears flow down... I don't know.

Am I too ashame to be in your friendster/msn picture?
Am I a disgrace to be with you?
Am I such a bother that you can't take that few mins to clear things to make me feel better?

Just wanted someone to share my problems with. But she always look so busy & happy,
didn't wanna make her felt unhappy.

Suffer in silence, is to make your loves one happy, not to be disappointed & upsad for whoever
she/he is with.

To the world, you may be one person,
But to me, you're my world.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

7:36 PM

Woke up late for school today. Sigh, teacher called. Said if I didn't turn up for school,
his gonna send a letter to my place.
What choice do I have but todrag my feets to school.

Sat in class with malay & tamil people, Gross, they disgust me the
most, not that I have anything against malay & tamil people, but
those in my class are
way to disgustinging & they smell.
Ruining my life, how am I gonna survive throught this year.

Finally, 5pm. Class ended! & its pouring heavily -.-' ran in the rain
all the way home,
felt sick, took a bath & knock off straight away for a 3hour nap.
Woke up, went online to find my girlfriend,
she was ashame of calling me what she does in guild instead of
buddy chat.

Ashame people know she has a boyfriend? Well, didn't want to ask
much, knowing it will only lead to more argument.
All this while, things observe by me about her. Is simply killing
me badly.

Talk about piority, mom bought me 30k cash, Immediately sent
her a couple ring.
But she didn't felt touched, Oh well ;p she herself went to get some
cash of her own.

At first, I thought she would change her pet name, knowing I
dislike it alot.. but.. >.<
Sometimes when she talk about piorities about me. I seriously
don't know how to believe.
Maybe I shouldn't even be typing this cause of what I told her
yesterday.
Its a big blow for her, but then again, does it really mean she
drafted her list of piorities?

Friendster' picture,
MSN's nick,
Maple stuffs,

Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but, thats me :D
Everynight before I enter dreamland, she just flashes into my
mind. I don't know why, maybe she's my 1st girlfriend & I love her alot.
But just can't express it to her, for the things I do hurts her time & again.
Just couldn't find time to accompany her with all this screwed up timetable.

xD I know, I'm pathetic & a guy who doesn't deserve to be loved
by someone who love me alot.
but no one is perfect, just hope she understands this. Just want
her to love me for who I am.

Thats all for now, Toodies, Off to bed. x)

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

4:09 AM

Couldn't get to sleep knowing what I have done hours back.
Needed to get it off my chest. So much so, I decided to blog.
Fucked up school. Ruining my whole 2008. Just pushing myself to do what must be done.
Even thou, after telling you the truth, you may say its just words.
Each time I wake up, closing my eyes again was easy, but as I close my eyes again.
I thought about the word I made to you about attending school regularly.

I regretted lying to her, but I guess its better to let her know then to drag this lie any longer.
I'm feeling better, yet I'm preparing for the worse she's gonna give me.
My retribution, using her ex-lovers & "close friends" that she claim, to compare themwith me.

I'm sorry if I can't be those kind of boys who can totally listen to a princess like you.
Just accept me for what I am.

Using the fist to vent my anger on the wall helps alot.
The pain flow throught together withforce I use within me.
I'm NOT a romantic guy.Sorry if I can't match up to your ex-lovers, thats me.
I'm not used to being in a relationship.& can't stand that fact that I aint your 1st piority just because I can't do stuffs thatthose guys you like can.

' Ring me up if u're feeling down '

Sentence use by this guy towards you. As commonly as you do.
Is bothering me very much,but knowing you're gonna use the smoking as an excuse to get back at me. Just pardon mefor my attitude in future if i happen to show any.

Indeed its true that to love, & to be loved has amazing feelings.
& yet, not everythinghas a good feeling.
In ways whereby things / people you love so much, not all the things / feelingyou get in return is always nice.Live with it.

My retribution, my regret, my live, my fate, my love.
Its painful to see what you have become, just to make me pissed off.
You're changing.

Yeah I know, ' If you can talk like that, I don't see why I can't do the same '.
I'll get used to it.

'You're the bomb' Nice way to get the revenge starting

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

3:47 PM

Happy 3rd month anniversary, so I guess.
She came over to find me yesterday thou. But made me waited for 8hours, & when
she told me she was at bunk, what else can I say. Order something, don't know what was it.

But since she didn't wanna tell me, oh well, no point asking. Had chicken wings for dinner
before we went down to meet our guildmember at the market for another dinner.

Talked for awhile before we went back home. Slept for 16hours. goodness.
Couldn't sleep, but, still accompany her till she woke up & left me there to sleep while
she went online to do some quest with her dar. At that moment, I was wondering if I was
still her 1st piority.

Sent her home, didn't sms me even thou she reached home. Went online but afk-ed ;x
DOTA! omg, wasted my time. Delay sooo bloody long. So pissed off. After a 4hours game,
went back online. She was questing with her dar, so didn't wanna bother her much.

Helped my bro with his com. Fucking problematic. Got so fucked up, so I gave up, went to
watch TV, omg. HBO - Gladiator x) missed the 1st part yesterday, so I continue to watch.
Was so unlucky, turned my head back to maple & show her calling 'dar'

Petty me xD but who cares, she didn't took my words for real. So I can't do much.
Thats all for now! I'm tired. Off to bed.

Words spoken are much more easiler then actions. I think...

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

2:33 AM

Goodness! Its 4.30pm. Can't believe I slept for so long.

How am I gonna get to sleep tonight! Don't wanna miss school tomorrow thou. ;x
Wondering how come I slept late? o.O
Haha, nothing much. Had a chat with her on phone. Her cries make my heart shattered into pieces.

Thou the love is there, but the question is, how long can we last. I miss her terribly.
For some reasons, I wanna get back to her. But something is holding me back, & I need to
settle it before I could go back to her.

Trying to get my life back to schooling lifestyle. No more late nights.
' Control your life, be responsible for your life ' meaningful words of encourgement spoken
from my dad. Its amazing how much you will understand when spoken by your
loves one. No matter how hard you try to forget those words, they just
flashes back into your brain. Even thou I'm still in my holiday mood. Will try to put
them all aside & back to schooling lifestyle!

1 year before NS & this is the shit I get from my school. Transfering me to a class
full of malay & tamil people. Not that I have anything against them. Its the smell that carry
on them. It totally disgust me more when I see the way they behave. Its totally childish
& a totally turn off. 1 year! Control, control!

Ai pia, ai gia eh yeh. if you even understand. (x till then. toodies!

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

4:36 PM

I'll know your eyes in the morning sun,
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain,
& the moment that you wander far from me,
I wanna feel you in my arms again.

& you come to me on a summer breeze
keep me warm in your love & then softly leave
& it's me you need to show...

How deep is your love?
I really need to learn
'Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you & me

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
You're the light in my deepest darkest hour
You're my saviour when I fall
& you may not think that
I care for you
When you know down inside
That I really do
& it's me you need to show.

How deep is your love.

Argued with the one I love the most. How many times have I tried to stay calm.
But all I get in return is her anger & frustration.
I don't know what to do seriously. What I say, in her eyes. Are all nothing but lies.
Maybe its time I accept the fact that she's in love with someone else.
Compare me with Fi-Fi like you said. I'm not better then him in anyway.

I'm sorry I can't understand you like you claim.
I'm sorry I'm not like Fi-Fi.
I'm sorry I can't compose a song for you.
I'm sorry for bringing you the pain.
I'm sorry that all you get is sorrow & heartbreaks when u're with me.

I hate to say this, but if you think I'm a pain in an ass. I will leave you alone.
I hate to see you cry, it hurts me alot to see you cry. You may think I'm using this excuse
to leave you. But one thing is for sure. I love you, like I always do.
It just kills me to see you shed tears time & again.

If you think u will be happier without me. I will leave. What I'm saying now to you.
To you, you think all this while, I'm lying to you. Like I said, I can't stop you from what
you are thinking. This blog, you ask me to delete it. I won't.

Change to see you happier, but you look unhappy.
Don't change, you look the same. I know myself very well if I don't change,
each time I see the way you talk in your bl, I will get jealous, then, argument will arise
as usual as before. I just hope one day. We will be together again..

This I write, its for you, everyword is true. Believe it or not, its up to you.
I can't do anything if you think this are just pack of lies. I love you. Sorry for the tears
I cost you.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

12:02 AM

Sunday!

Nothing much to blog anyway, just like any other sundays, rot at home as usual
knowing the following day will be a tiring day.

Well, went online to chat with some friends before zak-ing with them.
For god sake randy, get your fucking helm! Then I can relax alil. Knowing you're the
only clown without helm, make me feel so noob.

Rotted in FM with some friends. & added 1 new buddy to my list! Welcome kenneth!
A friend whom I think is worth the add. Welcome to my buddy list. (;
SIAMIEN, this is for you, stop being so mean. Its bad. Change your attitude!!!! >.<

Sigh, school is starting tomorrow, for once, I was so looking forward for school. To kill time
instead of rotting at home.
Hope for the best aint gonna bring you no where without any doing.

NOT TO FORGET! oh my gosh, for once, I actually went to church today. oh my. -.-
Felt so weird. But it was meaningful thou, even thou I knew quite alot about christians,
duh, I was in a christian school for like. 10years? & the famous line I love.

'God help those who help themselves'
Time & again, she trieds very hard to shake me off. But I'm still waiting, I don't know
how long I can hang on to the rob which was let down by her.
Tried to forget her, but it was hard. She was all I could think of.
Motivations by friends. I thank you guys alot. Seriously, I do.

Well, Thats all! Nights all. x)

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

10:34 PM

What a day. Wasted my time & youth.

Went down to PCBunk to meet someone who asked me out yesterday. Didn't knew he wasn't
gonna turn up. Pissed but yet, getting used to it. I felt so fucked up knowing I wasted more then 4hours doing nothing.

Was in a foul mood till she sms-ed & say she was coming down. Couldn't wait to see her.
So me & my friends waited for her at rocky master. After she arrived, not long later, she wanted to eat, so, obivously, I followed her to the food court to grab a bite.

After her dinner, she wasn't feeling well, sad, but oh well, accompany her back to tampines.

Sigh.
I knew at that point of time, I had a chance to be with her again, but I blew it.
I'm sorry I didn't call you,
I'm sorry for not knowing you well enought,
I'm sorry for not understanding you more then you thought I did.
I'm sorry my dear.
Love you lots.

Thou your words was hurtful, but I knew I deserve it.
Having my personal anger management, you said I will never change, but I'll prove it.

Love - means giving someone the ability to hurt you, trusting they won't.
giving her the full authority to do whatever she pleased for my love for her always remains the same.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

12:04 AM

What a day. Many things happened in game due to the lack of cash I have in my wallet, so well, I rotted at home as usual.

Was bored so went to train at GS6 with an old friend. After a short training, Diana & pzpzpzpzpz came online, so yeah, we went zak.
Miss the 1st batch thou. Couldn't figure out my Auto-Clicker problem. Diana & pzpzpzpzpz was fighting while I tried to settle my Auto-Clicker, finally, after 30mins of figuring out what to do about the Auto-Clicker. I was finally on the road!

Waited & waited.. till Diana said she died in Zakum, sad, but well, lets go for a second round! After a long wait. Zakum was finally killed, & she looted her 1st helm. I was happy to see her in a very good mood.

This is where I got sooo pissed. Was in Free Market Channel 10 room 2 when Diana's dar's friend came in, without any warning, he pointed the ' _l_ ' at me. As I promise to be a better person in life, So well, gangster like him don't need reasons to scold. So yeah, he continued his scolding. & for once, I didn't scold back. Promise made, promise kept. Thou I felt so useless, but for what I said to someone I love so much, I hold my temper.

In times like this. What was best for me is just to walk out. Avoiding problems are much better then getting into problems. Pride aint all that. I rather be a coward.

She looks happy with her current dar. I feel upsad but yet, happy for her. Seeing her in a good mood makes me feel good too. ^^ Felt jealous, but I don't wanna see her upsad, so I don't wish to break them up. I'll just wait for her like what I plan to do.

Thank you to all my friends, for your moral & support. I will change for the better. (;
No longer the old Melvin. Even thou I still say them. ;x to friends thou, not to outsiders. Friends understands me. I'm glad they are there for me when I'm feeling down.
Its amazing how love can seriously change oneself. & I'm glad I took that road.

P.S Girlfriend, thou you aint loving me like before, my love for you remains.

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

12:55 AM

Life is hard without her by my side. Knowing she is now with another guy. Thou she is telling me stuffs about what she thinks about him. I doubt as much as what was told.

What I can do now is just pray & hope she comes back to me. I can't stand one day without
hearing her voice,
looking at how the way she talk to me like before,
& not seeing her beautiful smile on her face.

I'm with the guilt, I'm sorry for whatever happened. Changing to what I plan to be is diffcult, but to be with her. I'm willing to do it. So many things happened, & each time I thought about it. I aint feeling any better.

Looking at couples on the road, loving & caring for each other. I hope we could be like that, if you could only give me that chance. I don't wanna see your face shedded with tears, I just wanna see you smile. Thou I know you aint coming back to me. Just hope, one day, we will be together again.

My dear, I admit my mistake & I know I'm not worthy of your love. But I also realise that you are my full payment for love. The best I know how, I depend on you to save me from my hatred & anger right now. Your righteousness to my account, & giving me your enternal love is what I ask for.

I know I was too harsh on you. I should love you for who you are & not what I expect from you. One chance is all I ask for. Just that one chance. Will you come back to me?

I AM MR. HAN ZHI :D

1:45 AM